


Forgiveness

by cassiejaerine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bad erwin, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, dumb erwin, insensitivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3930139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiejaerine/pseuds/cassiejaerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin cheated and Levi was left to face his own fears, sins and regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> I will post the whole story tonight :D It will be shaky but I swear i tried to put myself and all my emotions into the story so please take time to read.

**_Let's make a deal, I forgive you as you forgive me too_**

 

 

They were shouting. They always shout like this, voice thundering and hurting like hell. Pain and anger mixing, bouncing around the four cornered room. Screaming the words to point out the wrong and whispering the apologies after every sins are thrown. They always made up, picking up the broken pieces, gluing back the shredded parts and nursing opened wounds. They always end the screams with affectionate kisses, but why is this one different?

 

"What the fuck Erwin! You're saying there's nothing wrong in you fucking Mike?"

 

Punching Erwin's chest, Levi speaks out the boiling anger in his chest. This is different, not like the other fights. There's no dirty room or misplaced things but another man beside his husband. This is different. Different in a way that the said man's sticking his dick up his husband's ass and a lot different with the man's tongue down his husband's throat. Its a hell different that he can't look into Erwin's eyes and not see the man on top of him. Thrusting into his husband like the way Erwin thrust into him every night.

 

"I was drunk Levi and Mike even apologized right? So can we just forget about this?"

 

Erwin sighed in restlessness and his migraine hitting him bad.

 

Levi laughed his crazy laugh. Apologies. There's always the apologies, but always without the sincerity.

 

"Yeah he apologized and he apologized as well when I caught the two of you kissing or when the two of you kept fooling around behind my back! How can I accept every apologies if you keep on doing it over and over again!"

 

Erwin scoffed. Shaking his head as if Levi's words are ridiculous.

 

"I told you! Mike's my friend and that's that!" Erwin shouted back, his voice laced with irritation and Levi almost flinched if not for the blinding anger still swirling in his system.

 

"Don't you dare say that friends stuff on me if you don't want me to do the same things with Eren"

 

 

**You forgive me for my endless cries and I forgive you for not tearing up even once.**

 

 

Levi's face was wet with tears and there was an internal struggle to grab a knife and stab it right into Erwin's chest and maybe stab himself as well. It'll be a nice scene to see their blood painting the wall and the floor red. They will both burn in hell and pay for their sins.

 

"Why? Why are you still lying to me?"

 

Erwin tries pulling him in, the supposed warmth morphing into the coldest winter. Erwin wipes away the streams of tears but leaving the pain to flow still.

 

"I... You know I love you right? We are married Levi! We are gonna adopt a kid and live happy so let's just forget this please"

 

 

Levi pushed away, slapping the hands off his face and letting the sobs occupy more space.

 

"How can I forget when you can't even say sorry?"

 

 

**Forgive me for reaching out and I forgive you for not coming forward.**

Levi remembers how he stood behind the slightly opened door, peeking inside the dimly litted room and witnessing the carnal act Erwin was into with Mike. He could hear the moans and gasp of pleasure.

 

"I was there Erwin, always there watching you move all over him"

 

But what Levi remember the most was how everytime Erwin meets his eyes and not move to push the larger blonde away or to quiet down the sounds. He would stare at Levi until he comes and until Levi walks away.

 

"I was there and you knew all the fucking time"

 

 

**Forgive me for not shutting up and i forgive you for not saying anything.**

 

The confrontations will always start with Levi asking Erwin his day and Erwin kissing him in the cheeks. He could smell the faint smell of sex in Erwin's skin and the smell of Mike's perfume. He would then ask where he went and Erwin would say work of course but Levi could see the marks left on his husband's skin. He would ask about the hickeys and Erwin would only only shrug his shoulders and complain about his headache.

 

"I saw you and Mike, is he the one who gave that hickey?"

 

Erwin will look at him and chuckle cheerfully before gathering Levi in his strong arms and murmuring 'I love yous' and Levi would hug back and whisper for Erwin to hear his heart.

 

"Did he fuck you hard? Is he better? Did you took a bath together and dress each other up like a married couple?"

 

Erwin would laugh and hug him a little tighter, but that wouldn't be enough.

 

 

**Forgive me for not letting go and I forgive you for not holding on.**

 

The tears stop and a sad smile bloomed in Levi's face. The kind of smile he smiles every time he beat his pain into numbness and how he clutches his chest until he could feel the ribs almost breaking. He smile that sad smile when the imperfections too ugly to even share a word perfect into it.

 

"I tried to ignore it Erwin. I tried to see past every smile you give only for him or every gentle touch you place in him. I tried to tell myself its okay and I am okay when in reality I am crumbling inside. I wanted to stay by your side even if you make a fool out of me or you lie right to my face. I want to not let you go even if you wont hold on"

 

Erwin pursed his lips, his hands slightly shaking and emotions running pass his ever blue eyes.

 

"Do you still love me Erwin or you're only staying because we're married? You're tied to me till the end right? Till death do us part? But you're already a miles away. You already part away."

 

 

**I will start from the very beginning when you first said hi and I glared back in irritation.**

 

 

Levi wants to go back in time when he is his own man. Proud as an eagle soaring the vast sky, living his life with no limitations and trusting no one. Levi wants to go back from just loving himself and not crazily in love with Erwin. He wants to go back in time when he sees all the bad and acts on it and not now that he's blinded with so much fear of being alone. He was so used In being alone.

 

Levi wants to go back in the beginning when he is his own man and he loves himself enough to know what's the difference between the truths and the lies.

 

 

He loves Erwin.

 

He still loves Erwin, but he's all out of love.

 

He's drained of everything good in him.

 

Erwin.

 

Let's make a deal.

 

You forgive me as I forgive you too.

 

I forgive you as you forgive me too.

 

Forgive me for staying and I'll forgive you for leaving.

 

Forgive me for wanting more and I'll forgive you for giving less.

 

Forgive me for not hating you and I'll forgive you for being an ass about it.

 

Forgive me for loving you and I'll forgive you for choosing him.

 

And Erwin.

 

Let me forgive myself as well.

 

I forgive myself for letting you ruin me.

 

And Erwin.

 

I want you to forgive yourself as well.

 

Forgive yourself for thinking that I am your one.

 

Erwin. I love you.


End file.
